funny

A Tale of Two Kerrygolds

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I made two cups of tea, for awesomewife and myself went to get milk but we were out. We were also out of cream. So I brought the cups of black tea in to share with her. She said “add Kerrygold”. I stopped for a second and repeated - “Kerrygold?” “Yeah.” I walked to the kitchen, put down her cup, “are you sure?” “Yes.” Huh. Maybe it’s some obscure idea because Kerrygold is made from milk and it’d be like adding really, really thick cream. So I drop two blobs of Kerrygold butter into her tea and bring it back to her. Upon seeing the cup she pauses, stares, stirs it, and then said “Kerrygold?” “Yeah.” “The Kerrygold liquor bottle from up in the cabinet?” “.... oh. No.” “What did you add to my tea?” “Kerrygold. Not liquor.”

I’m only sorry I forgot to take a picture before I washed it down the sink to make her a fresh cup.

Netflix recommendations are confusing

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Netflix saw that I liked Hellboy 2 so recommended Sin City, Full Metal Alchemist and.. Chicken Run? It's the best of the three recommendations, but that's beside the point - how do you get from Hellboy 2 to Chicken Run? Never mind Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay.

What type of scones would you like?

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A conversation I had with my wife not fifteen minutes ago.

Awesomewife: What type of scones would you like, fresh blueberries or mixed dried fruit?

Me: I don't know, you're asking me to choose between two of my favorite foods. Ok, blindfold me and I'll pick.

Ok. Right, now pick one of these.

But I can't see where they are to pick from.

They're in my hands, so pick one of them.

But I can't find your hands. I know what - flip a coin.

Ok, do you want heads or tails?

I don't know! Roll a D-20.

Ok, you rolled a 17. Accounting for your zero bonus for having an average intelligence, you won the roll. So, which one do you want?

I don't know...

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